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I know I would miss her terribly if she chose to leave. Her legs appeared next to me before I realized she was even there. She had slid into the hot tub before I could even stop her, not that I was going to try. She wanted to talk so why would I deny her? ‘Before you say anything, I’m wearing a bathing suit. I heard the hot tub turning on. I’m no rocket scientist, but it doesn’t take one to figure out you’re not going to bed yet and since I’m under orders not to sneak into our room to be with you, I can be with you here, albeit with this thing on.’ Ok, I smiled. What else could I do? What she did next caught me unprepared. Samantha climbed onto my lap and placed her arms around me, and then said, ‘I promised I would think about all that we have talked about and that’s the truth but for now I need to be this close to you. I hope I get SOME indication that you still care for me. If it should ever arise, I will be satisfied but I will deny ever having … um … felt your care.’ This. This is why I hated parading my body around naked. Ed, I don't even play with myself. I can't. I used to, a little, before I lost my virginity. I think I'm frigid. Amanda told me she liked it when guys played with her while she was in the program. I get no pleasure out of it-just pain and disgust. And I don't know how to fix it. I don't even know if I can. I might be too brainwashed." So, that's Natalie's story. The child of a drunk irresponsible whore, who's been encouraged since puberty to whore herself. I have no friends, I have no life. The only thing that keeps me going is that seventh in the class thing. A college scholarship-that's my only hope. I think my grades are good enough. Grandpa's trust fund isn't enough to pay for college, I need the scholarship. That's the only way I get out of this." Now you know why I love Bogie, and Hepburn, and why some of that trust fund and my summer job money goes to videotapes. Because it's my escape-my only one. For two hours, I can live in.
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